I am a big fan of blogs and just discovered an interesting one written by a man names Hugo. Who is Hugo? Who knows and in blogland, it's not important at all. Anyway, he is clearly a very successful blogger and I enjoyed persusing his posts but more importantlythe follow up comments.
One recent blog that I found intriguing was the discussion around why divorced men remarry faster than divorced women - not sure where these statistics arose - but its an interesting dialog around the argument that men "get" more out of marriage than women and that in our liberated world of financially independent women relational skills are more important than earning potential. Unless you are 25 years old. So here is the Perfect Storm. Man 45 years old divorces wife of 20 years. He is 45, she is 45. When the divorce is final its likely that the women is earning a reasonable income unless she made the decision to be a stay at home mom, which is whole other issue. Anyway, a successful woman in her 40's is not so much looking for financial support anymore but a man who is interesting, emotionally strong, physically confident and with a substantive personality - ie further along the Maslow self awareness scale than sex and survival. Here is where the 25 year old women come into the picture and why divorced men marry (the 25 year olds) faster than their wives look for a new husband. Or perhaps its because the options for an 'older' woman are more limited. It is still not considered socially acceptable for a woman to marry a man 20 years younger but perfectly ok for a man. Think Newt, Prince Charles, there are tons of examples.
So lots of 40+ men marry 25+ year old women who ARE concerned primarily with security, and power and are attracted by that one dimension in an older man. Divorced women on the other hand are prepared to 'wait' or not get married at all...because truthfully, what IS in it for them? They get to be a 'wife" - wow that is an attractive option. More chores, baggage, needs, demands, complexity. I'd rather stay single and free, independent and not married.
So lots of women reading Hugo's blog agree...here are a couple of great comments.
So, divorced men remarry more often than divorced women. Just who are those men marrying? Obviously,most of them are marrying women who have never been married. Or maybe we should just cut to the chase and say younger women, because that is a likely corrolation. Society still offers an older man far more latitude in seeking a significantly younger mate than women. Combine that with the higher probability that the woman brings children to a second marriage, and I think you might have a case for suggesting that a lower remarriage rate for women exists not from entirely from choice, but because their opportunities have been limited. Without knowing more of the specific details of the survey, I question the writer’s generalization that women delay remarrying because of celebrating their “new-found freedom”.
Might age also be a factor? A lot of middle-aged divorced men marry much younger women, but divorced women rarely do. That leaves them with a) men who are also divorced, or b) men who have had an inordinately long bachelorhood. Women may just feel they have a less desirable pool of potential mates.It also seems to me that if they do hook up with guys in one of those categories, they often just move in together without marrying. A young woman who’s never married is probably more likely to want a wedding, and the guy may go along with it for that reason.