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March 11, 2007

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d

great site!

as a soon-to-be divorced mother, i can't help wonder how kids factors in to this - IF you assume that in a divorce, the woman takes more responsibility for the kids, maybe it's harder for women to date and then remarry.

just a thought...

Rebekah

Late to the post but they did a survey on the radio the other day. Callers were asked whether they would stay married to the same person or someone else. The split for the men was 65% marry the same person and 35%would marry someone else. An overwhelming 80% of the women said they would NEVER marry again - and that wasn't even one of the options. Then not long after that a clinical psychologist called in and said that though things are changing, marriage has never offered a lot to women.

JULIE EVANEGA

iS THIS BLOG ABOUT ME? mY HUSBAND LEFT A 20 YEAR MARRIAGE BECAUSE LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY. hE IS NOW MARRIED TO A 25 YEAR OLD GIRL IN WHICH HE WORKED WITH AND LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE WITH AS SOON AS HE LEFT OUR HOME...BUT THEY WERENT HAVING AN AFFAIR.OUR DAUGHTER IS 20 HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IS THAT. I DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED BECAUSE i WANT MY ALLIMONY i AM THE STAY AT HOME MOM...I DONT HAVE A CAREER. i DO HAVE A MAN IN MY LIFE WHO SEEMS TO VALUE A WOMAN WHO CARES FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS NOT BORN IN THE 1980'S BUT IT STILL DOESNT MAKE ME WANT TO JUMP BACK INTO MARRIAGE.

JULIE EVANEGA

I have to add one more thing to my comment. This has definitely affected my kds who are 20 and 17. Also this girl refused to date him unless his seperation was final. He pushed having seperation papers filed but it was my lawyer..he didnt tell me about the girl and dating until recently. The divorce was soon to follow. They moved in together without me knowing about it and my kids were invited to help them move in together without a discussion before hand. My son was invited to sing at their wedding ( he declined) and my ex doesnt have money to help send is daughter to college but they had a big wedding out of state and took a ten day honeymoon to mexico....the list goes on it has been royal.

diana

my husband left me after eight good years of marriage because l could not bear a child for him. now he is married to another lady in the same. l am starting my life again with nothing but God.

Annie C

Like a lot of other women I know, I was married for twenty plus years -- and celebrated my divorce from my former spouse. And like my friends, I see no need to remarry. I have no desire to be the full-time nurse-maid of some man older than me -- nor do I have any compulsion to cook, clean, and do all those other wifely chores for some man. On the other hand, I don't lack for girl friends or male companions, or sexual partners. Accordingly, week-end relationships are close to ideal as far as I'm concerned.
My ex-spouse, on the other hand, is busy mate-seeking. He not only wants someone to take care of all those domestic needs but also provide companionship. Oh, and he doesn't want to have to go through all that rejection just to find steady sex.

Casey

i am 25....and am not interested in freaky old men. i just don't understand what the appeal is; but perhaps this can be attributed to the fact that i have an IQ above 12.

i think 1st off, most girls marry older men b/c they are gold diggers. and do have an iq below 12. what other options are there? men project their feelings on others and blame everyone else,,,so they marry someone younger who makes a good, dumb trophy wife. the younger they are the easier to train. hell, some can be trained till they die.

also if whe's a lot younger, by the time her looks go he'll be dead.

men are pigs. but women have to stop letting them "get away with murder". women always make excuses.

that's why i don't get why girls about my age golddig. how would you feel if someone did that to you when you hit 45?
besides,
don't be too frustrated julie and rebecca....

most the girls my age who date men your husbands' age are flat out retarded and a waste of space.

don't cry that they're with your dumbass husbands,,,the bimbo and creep old guy deserve eachother.

be sad that the morons reproduce and thus lower the iq of the human race!!!

so some of us born in the 80s still rock....

John

As a man whose wife has just left stating "I want to find myself and be happy" after 8 years of a pretty good marriage (ups, downs, but mostly ups) I will say you are completly wrong. First a whopping 96% of all divorces filled in the US are done by the wife for that classic "Grass is Greener on the Other Side" only to learn that the grass on the other side is really astro-turf. Where the men most often left confused why they were left even after trying to save the marriage and having no preconcieved notion of a better life with someone else just so happen to find a life with someone else. There is absolutly zero data to prove that divorced men habitually remarry younger women, just because famous guys do it doesn't mean all do. So yes men are more likely to remarry, but not for the "all men are pigs, all young women are dumb" reasons you endorse. If we truly want an equal world let's admit that we equally make mistakes. And, just because someone blogged it doesn't make it true.

margaret

hi John
thanks for your passionate reply. great to have your perspective. can you share your source for the 96% divorces being filed by women? I knew it was around 60% but would argue (my experience) that many men are happy to stay in a marriage while having affairs on the site - and to not file for divorce, while many women cannot live with that ambiguity and would rather divorce. what are your thoughts on that?

Mike Campbell

Hi Im Mike
There may be some truth to the evidence suggesting that men marry sooner (and younger) than divorced women....but what seems to be being inferred by this is that men are somehow more dependent and emotionally needy than women. Yes that might be the case, but it might also be the case that generally from childhood men are socialised to pursue women while women learn relevant responses to these approaches. Suddenly single the male will often fall back into his learned pursuit behaviour...especially in a society that often measures men by their capacity to woo and win the fairer sex. Nobody is right wrong good or bad...we are just all struggling with redefining our single lives in the context of the tools we have.
Peace like a river...

www.dadsdivorce.com

Nice article, it gave me a few new perspectives to approach the question of why men get remarried sooner. One explanation I had heard before was that men are "genetically wired" to seek out someone new. In my opinion it is most likely a combination of the reasons you laid out in your article as well as genetics.

Jules

Men have more options. A 45 yr old man can have children with 25 yr old women, where for a 45 woman and 25 yr old man starting a family by having children is not an option.

Theresa

Dear John, Ple-e-e-e-ze don't flatter yourself! We women know what whe're getting ourselves into much more so than we did we we got married!!!!! At least now I know what to expect when I wake up in the morning!You and your ego can go jump off a cliff IMHO!!!

Cosmas Anakwue

I need a lady who know much about love and care from United States who I will marry for life.

Love one
Cosmas

Esme

I am 30 my husband 47 and he was married before and have two boys from it. His wife ended the marriage. I married him because he is mature stable and treats me like a queen. We have been together for 5 years I have never been happier. His ex is 44 been divorced for 7 years and still single and hates me for no reason. If she does not want him does not mean that no body does!

Lafingguy

Hmm, my experience is a bit different. My former wife drove our divorce and I'm actually very happy for it. We are now excellent friends raising 2 wonderful sons. We decided to put the kids welfare at the core of our plans going forward and let our differences get worked out a bit slower. We started dating around the same time and she's been living with her boyfriend for the last 3 years. I think he's a great guy and couldn't be happier for her.
I've decided that being polyamorous is what's going to work for me, I'm very open about this with my family, former wife, and women I'm dating. I don't plan to get married again and I would like to have a live-in partner at some time in the future (but there's no rush). It took me a lot of personal growth work to get here (being poly does require a serious level of honesty).
Oh and my career has taken off also because of the growth work.
:D

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