I have a close friend, who gave me some amazing advice.. He said, "OK, Margaret! Quit crying, bitching and moaning!! Approach your life as if you were producing a Broadway show."
Identify the Lead Character.
Hint…that would be YOU!
Describe the Leading Lady.
What does she look like, what’s in her wardrobe? What are her values? Say out loud five words that describe that person. My words were “loving, creative, sexy, intelligent and passionate”.
Every day do one thing that supports each value of importance to the lead actress. For example, express intelligence by reading something new, express creativity by learning a skill.
Define a New Look
As the lead actress you will need a sexy new haircut, new wardrobe - a revamped image! This forces you to take a look in the mirror (full length by the way – no cheating!!). You may have been tempted to do a dramatic makeover in an earlier stage of EX, but you are most ready, physically and emotionally to do it in the Exorcise stage. Check out our favorite clothes, stylists, and plastic surgeons around the world.
Decide on Your Supporting Cast and Those People You are Going to Lean On.
Be selective – “A- List” friends only. This is hard and takes time. It does not involve your ex! (and no, you can’t just be “friends”!). You’ve probably exhausted your friends by now, so why not join a Woman’s Group, attend a workshop or find new friends in the Forum Section.
Define the Audience.
Who is sitting in the front row? Who is up in the balcony? Remember, and this is very important, your ex is NOT in the audience either. He is not in the third balcony, and definitely not lingering backstage. He is outside in the pouring rain, clutching a tiny little yellow ticket that says “ADMISSION DENIED”. As long as you put him in the audience/supporting cast/or production team, you will look for his approval and judgment. Don’t do that – remember, this is YOUR show!!!
Choose a Venue (i.e. where you want to live).
You may want to skip town immediately. I drove to San Diego and back twice before I realized that I didn’t really want to live there. I realized that I had never been to so many places that I might love. Many women find it useful or even essential to leave the place they were living in prior to EX, but many, like me, realized that wherever you go there YOU are.
Lawyers, Doctors and Banks Oh My!
If there was a divorce settlement, get it firmed up with all the terms clearly defined. Don’t let things slip because months after the divorce your ex has officially erased you from his memory – along with the financial promises he made. Make sure you have your own bank account and a team of people to help you – a great accountant, lawyer, banker, real estate agent, etc. Even if you don’t think you need them right now – line them up. We have put together a list of things you might want to consider, along with LINKS to some hand picked professionals.
The plot for your very own personal Broadway Show has developed all kinds of twists and turns - beauty, travel, escape, romance, charity work, concerts, and women’s groups. You have a new supporting cast and perhaps a whole new audience. So many EXciting choices…, but now its time to launch this new EXtraordinary production!