A person's self esteem usually takes a beating during the divorce process. To help rebuild your self confidence, you need to focus on your attitude. Attitude is simply a state of mind. By focusing on the positives in your life, you can begin to feel better about yourself and life in general.
Affirming What's Good - When your self esteem is in the dumps, it's easy to beat yourself up and think of yourself as a failure. Replace all those self-defeating thoughts with affirmations of the person you want to be. List the things that you are good at, recount your past successes, and remember what people have said about you that makes your self esteem soar. Use words like "happy, strong, smart, resilient, ambitious" or whatever image that you would like to see yourself as. Review this list often to build your self esteem. Remember......... “As you think, so shall you be”.
Thinking Positively - Along these same lines, replace your negative inner dialog of words such as “I can’t do it” or “I’m just no good” with self esteem building statements like “I can do it”, “I am successful”, or “I have what it takes”. It may feel funny at first, but if you make these affirmations every morning to yourself, your mind will start to focus on them and start believing them to be true.
Letting Go Of The Past - Put past mistakes into perspective. You can’t change the outcome, so try to see it as a learning exercise. Make any amends that you need to, and then vow to handle things differently in the future. When you make mistakes in the future, don’t blow things out of proportion. Just because the boss snaps at you don't let your self esteem take a hit. Realize that other people have bad days, and let it go. Choose to focus on what is positive in your life.
Letting Go Of Perfection - By thinking that you need to do everything perfectly, you let your self esteem take a beating. You end up with a list of imagined “shoulds” and “musts” in order to meet your vision of perfection. Instead, decide what things are fine just the way they are, and quit worrying about them. What ever you decide to change should be because you “want to” or “choose to”. By allowing yourself to not be perfect, your self esteem grows as you accept the true you.
Making Changes - If there is something that you would like to change, stop procrastinating, and do something about it. Worrying and rehashing your troubles all the time brings you down. Decide what needs to change, and break it down into small chunks. Daily manageable goals that you can accomplish will give you a sense of purpose, a continuous feeling of success, and improved self-confidence. You can see yourself moving in a positive direction and won’t be over-whelmed.
Interacting With Others - It is also a good idea to spend time with friends that have positive self esteem. They can boost your mood and give you a different perspective on your situation. True friends always see the best side of you. When they give you a compliment, believe them. In return, don’t be afraid to compliment or do something nice for someone else. Doing for others can boost your self esteem by focusing outside yourself, knowing that you brought happiness to someone else.
Most of all, realize that you have choices in life. You can choose to be content with who you are now. Your inner peace, self esteem, and confidence in who you are determines your success, not what others think about you. Remember that you are a worthwhile person just as you are.
©Tracy Achen 2001
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